


To Love and Be Loved

by arcanebond



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Tags and Characters to be added, pen pal gal pals
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-24
Updated: 2019-01-24
Packaged: 2019-10-15 09:15:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17525948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arcanebond/pseuds/arcanebond
Summary: Calianna and Jester have been exchanging letters for a while now and they're due for a reunion





	To Love and Be Loved

**Author's Note:**

> i found the workings of an old cali/jester fic floating around and decided to revisit it and turn it into something a little more than what i had planned. i didn't really feel like rewriting the beginning even if i'm not too thrilled with it so i just cleaned it up a little and figured it'd go from there and develop it more as it goes!

It takes them a while to figure it out. Travelling always complicates things, especially sending letters, but they were women determined to accomplish whatever it was they set their minds to. Jester, lovely talented Jester, is the one who provides a solution in the form of _'this reeeeeeally cool thing that the Traveler taught me so i can always reach my friends!'_

All it takes is a little message from Jester to let her know where they plan to be next. She can even respond to it! Brief as it is, those little conversations mean a lot. They give her something to hold onto ; a bright and happy voice to think of when things start feeling dark. When the loneliness begins to seep into all the cracks. 

__

__

Calianna can't quite recall a time when she'd been alone growing up. Being on the streets was a fuzzy time, troubled youth with all the colors washed out, dampened by bad thhings. Yet, for all the bad, she'd never considered herself lonely, not after the cult had found her... or maybe she had been. Maybe it'd been that weird, sinking feeling when everyone looked at her differently. When she longed for dolls and pets and things to keep close or even someone to simply sit and listen to her. How strange it is to think about now. Her perspective has shifted and her eyes have been opened to all the pain she had been suffering so silently through. She had thought the lonely came with leaving, with having no one, but had she ever really had anyone at all? 

Now, though, now she doesn't have to be alone.

She thinks about how fun it must be, getting to travel the way they do in such good company. Her friends, she tells herself sometimes, with a gently growing smile. She's envious of it, but she knows this is better for her. Better for everyone. The less people Calianna involves in her affairs the better and the less likely it is for anyone to get hurt. If Jester --- no, if any of The Mighty Nein --- got her on her behalf she'd never be able to forgive herself. Her sins were not their burden to bear and she could never ask anyone to atone for them in her place. Already they'd done enough in that very first meeting and Jester's letters keep her going strong through her endeavors. 

They are very nice letters. Jester has beautifully fun hand writing, all smooth curves that sometimes get a little messy when it's evident she's excited. Doodles take up any empty space and they usually come with the lingering scent of pastries or sometimes even a sultry perfume that tickles her nose. Smells Calianna has come to associate with her blue friend, unable to pass by any pastry shop without thinking of Jester. Sometimes the others even write something in it, or sign it, which is absolutely the nicest thing ever. She likes seeing all their different handwriting and eventually picks up on who it is adding in a little comment here and there by the shape of their letters alone.

Being the open books that they are, Cali and Jester share a great deal of things. There's some stuff they try to keep hush hush because, as she has been told, people steal the mail. They can't go sharing every little detail with that looming threat and they've lost a letter here and there unfortunately. Their system wasn't perfect, but they made it work.

At least they're always one sending spell away. 

Beyond the obvious things they keep quiet in the tiny off chance of prying eyes ( though arguably they are still far too free in what they say ) little is off limits. Jester has so many great things about their past experiences that she just has to get Calianna caught up on. It's all so fascinating and fun! With danger and tension mixed in! Not to mention the romance, the mystery, oh they certainly have it all! Cali is always on the edge of her seat reading them, putting the story together in her mind to these faces she knows. She thinks Jester would make a very fine author.

The Mighty Nein are quite the group. She finds it shocking to learn that they'd only been traveling companions for a few weeks before she met them. They all seemed to close knit, excluding the bowl incident. 

And then almost getting Beauregard killed thing, but Cali likes to imagine that could have happened to any group who didn't know swamp trolls oozed poison from open wounds!

How she wishes she could be there with them battling gnolls and becoming a hero. To be so free of attachment, going where fortune favored them on their own time, by their own design. Their exploits make her own doings feel so droll in comparison and she often apologizes for not having anything interesting to talk about, but Jester always reassures her that 'everything you has to say EVER is interesting, Cali, and you're handwriting is just so super pretty I could read it all day and never get bored!' because that is just how Jester is. Kind to the very core. On her worst days Calianna thinks she doesn't deserve a friend like that, but as the sun rises on them and she clutches the newest letter to her chest everything feels a little better. She has someone who cares about her. Someone who isn't nice to her because they want something from her, but because they're her friend.

Jester is the first real friend she's ever had and Calianna treasures it more than any material object in the world. 

Their letters aren't just tales of adventures and recent events, but dip into the lives they've moved on from. They reach common ground in their up bringing, both locked away without being allowed to go outside, albeit for very different reasons. Cali is shocked to learn that Jester's mother is THE Ruby of the Sea, but not surprised at all. While she's never met the Ruby, her reputation precedes her, and it makes sense for someone as incredible as Jester to have an equally incredible mother. 

Calianna mentions how she wishes she'd known her mother --- she doesn't even know what happened to her parents. Were they dead? Did they abandon her? Was she that repulsive of a thing they gave no second thought to letting her wander the streets? It isn't something she likes to think about and the letter is stained with tears. She even mentions these fears to Jester, regrets it deeply after sending the letter, because her dearest friend doesn't need to be bothered by things like her silly emotional issues over things that don't even matter anymore. 

Jester's response makes her feel better, as all of her letters do. A surprisingly serious shift in tone as she assures Cali that her parents had probably loved her very much and wanted to be with her, but couldn't, or lost her, or even died. Then she added _'and if they did leave you then they are BIG STINKY DODO HEADS AND I WILL SMASH THEM WITH MY GIANT LOLIPOP!'_ which of course had Calianna laughing through her tears. Jester was so positively adorable and she could hear the chime of it through her words. It was something in the world for Cali to cherish. 

The first gift Cali sends her is a green ribbon, untied from her own hair. It means a lot to her, but she wants Jester to have it, because she thinks that Jester means more. Her first true friend --- the one taking time to talk to her through letters and sending. Feeling like someone cared was so oddly exhilarating and frightening and easily her favorite experience of this new life of hers. She's made new friends by now, but none like Jester. None so amazingly wonderful and kind and pretty and and and --- and when she's telling this to one of her other friend ( a delightful gnome druid by the name of Trilys who has let her stay in her home where life is everywhere and she wakes up to the smell of flowers each day ) she's laughed at. Cali doesn't get why and her friend smiles like she knows all the secrets in the world. Despite all the pressing she doesn't tell her, saying it's something that Calianna needs to learn on her own. 

She spends a great deal of time thinking about that instance. What did she need to learn? She ends up deciding that she'll know once she's learnt it and lets the issue pass her by in favor of other things she has to do. Artifacts that still needed to be found and taken care of --- the cult had too many of these things if you asked her! And that's her life. Hunting down artifacts and finding someone to destroy them or keeping them safe ( led lined boxes do wonders ) and writing letters to Jester. Of course there are spaces in between them, ones where she spends time with her new friends, going out and experiencing life as an actual person --- but her favorite times will always be when she gets a new letter. 

The latest one brings great news. Incredible news. News that has Calianna bursting with nervous excitement and running about like a chicken with her head cut off.

"She's coming! They're coming! They're coming to visit!" She has the letter in her hand, waving it about madly, almost tripping over a large hammer that's been haphazardly strewn on the floor. "That's dangerous..."

"Sorry 'bout that lemme just," a strong dwarven figure comes to lift the oversized hammer like it was nothing. "I was wondering where I left that. Anyways what? Is going on? People are coming? Who?"

Cali grins, because this is exciting news or the both of them. "They are! Jester, The Mighty Nein! Our friends, Keg, they're on their way here." 

The cigar nearly falls out of the dwarfs mouth and she rubs her chin, scratching at the beard she's been growing out. "So, like, all of them...? Beau and everyone else?" Calianna nods.

And then panic fills both of their faces as they yell out in near unison, "I'm not ready!"


End file.
